Code: Panic

Good morning; today’s feeling is panic.  Not a full on attack level, although the very thought of that is not unlikely to trigger as a result of the feedback loop that thinking about it produces.  But if it had hit that point, I wouldn’t be typing this.  Nah, thus far it’s just a constant background hum.  It feels a bit like I can hear my voice (it’s always my own voice, which is, maybe, a good thing) pointing out all sorts of terrible things that might be about to happen, and so I can feel the adrenalin just waiting to trigger the fight or flight response.  And it’ll be flight, not least because you can’t fight something so nebulous.  Anyway, my heart feels like it’s pounding, and has all day, and I’m struggling to concentrate on anything else.

Obviously this isn’t directly caused by external world events, but they might not be helping.  And that includes ‘good’ stuff – got a nice weekend away planned for Valentine’s.  Which I know will be lots of fun.  But it’s something I have to do, so it’s just adding to the pressure.  Not sure how I can fuck it up, but…


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